MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA – President Donald J. Trump has officially announced his candidacy for the 2025 Noble Piss Prize, a highly respected award he insists was created “just for winners, not losers, and certainly not for sleepy Joe.”
Trump claims he has already spent the entire year hosting what he proudly calls “the greatest, most tremendous Big Boys Pissing Contest, bigger than anyone’s ever seen, people are saying.”
Speaking to reporters while standing in front of a golden-plated urinal shaped like the White House, Trump declared: “Nobody’s ever pissed like me. Nobody. I’ve got the best aim, the longest stream, and frankly, the stamina of ten men. Scientists are amazed. Some are even crying. They say, ‘Sir, this is history.’”
The contest, reportedly involving world leaders competing in categories such as “Most Patriotic Splash,” “Longest Distance,” and “Best Golden Arc,” has allegedly attracted global attention.
Rumors suggest Vladimir Putin is training with special Russian hydration techniques, while Kim Jong-un is demanding a custom-made throne-to-toilet hybrid for participation.
Critics have pointed out that no such thing as the “Noble Piss Prize” exists, but Trump quickly dismissed them.
“Fake news. Totally fake. They didn’t believe in my wall, they didn’t believe in my crowd sizes, and now they don’t believe in my piss. But believe me, folks, in 2025, we’re bringing home the trophy, and it’s going to be huuuuge,” Trump proudly stated.
* Image: funcan.com