MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russian president Vladimir Putin emerged smirking from what he called a “deeply strategic” phone call with U.S. President Donald Trump, and declared it to be “the easiest deal of my life – like taking candy from a small, very confused child.”
Putin told reporters the conversation lasted approximately 2 hours, during which he allegedly convinced Trump that Siberia was a tropical island paradise, and that NATO stood for “Not A Threat, Obviously.”
When asked about Trump’s response, Putin chuckled, “He asked if he could build a hotel in Russia and name it ‘Trumputin Towers.’ I said yes, of course. He offered me California in return.”
The Kremlin reportedly celebrated the call by releasing a commemorative matryoshka doll set featuring Trump inside a smaller Trump, inside a golden egg labeled “useful idiot.”
Russian state TV described the exchange as “a new low in American diplomacy, and a new high in comedy programming.”
When asked if he felt guilty about the apparent manipulation, Putin shrugged. “He was just happy someone called him ‘Mr. President’ again. I even told him I voted for him. Twice. In Georgia.”
* Image: Flickr.com/World Economic Forum