LOS ANGELES, CA – Experts are calling this “the most effective use of public conspiracy theory since aluminum foil hats”!
a group of undocumented migrants has allegedly cracked the code to invisibility – by walking around draped in printouts of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein files.
“We noticed every time someone mentioned Epstein, politicians and law enforcement would suddenly look the other way,” explained one unnamed migrant, his jacket covered in court document excerpts. “So we thought – why not become the document no-one wants to notice?”
Witnesses report that ICE officers freeze like startled deer upon sight of the camouflage.
“One guy in a full Epstein PDF poncho walked right past us,” admitted an anonymous ICE agent. “I swear, my eyes saw him, but my brain was like, ‘Nope, that’s a congressional hearing problem, not mine.’”
Experts say the camouflage works by triggering a deep survival instinct in government officials to avoid anything related to Epstein at all costs.
The trend is spreading fast. Street vendors in border towns are now selling “Epstein Camo Kits” for $19.99, which come with a matching bucket hat and “Unredacted” fanny pack.
Fashion critics are praising the look as “a brave mix of scandal and high-vis safety gear,” while security analysts are calling it “the Area 51 Naruto run of migration hacks.”
The Department of Homeland Security has issued a statement urging the public not to test the method, insisting it’s “dangerous and possibly illegal.”
However, when reporters pressed for clarification, the spokesperson nervously shuffled papers, coughed, and abruptly ended the briefing, after which three Epstein-camouflaged men walked past him unnoticed.
* Image: X.com