WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has once again weighed in on Washington’s latest drama, declaring that the recent government shutdown “would never, ever, not in a million years” have happened if he were still in charge.
Speaking from the White House Oval Office, Trump told reporters, “If I was president, the government would be open. Wide open. The most open government in history. People would say, ‘Sir, we’ve never seen a government so open.’ It would be like a 7-Eleven – open all the time, except with better snacks.”
Trump insisted that his leadership style would have prevented the shutdown entirely, pointing to his “world-class dealmaking skills” as the solution. “I made deals with everybody: Democrats, Republicans, even people who didn’t like me, which was nobody,” he said.
“If I were president, the government would not only be open, it would be so open you’d get tired of how open it is. Believe me, people would say, ‘Mr. President, please, close it a little bit.’”
The former president also suggested that he could have single-handedly kept federal employees working during the shutdown, noting, “I would’ve paid them out of my own pocket. I’m very rich, the richest, and I would have written them beautiful checks. Maybe even with gold ink. They would’ve loved it. Everybody loves my checks, except the fake news, of course.”
In typical Trump fashion, he closed his remarks with a challenge to current leaders: “If Joe Biden wants to know how to keep the government open, he should call me. I’ll answer the phone. I always answer. Unless I’m golfing, but then I’ll call back. Nobody calls back better than I do. Tremendous callbacks.”
*Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore