WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump’s Special Envoy for Peace Deals, Steve Witkoff, revealed that the U.S. is adopting Spanish as the nation’s second official language.
According to Witkoff, the move comes after what he described as a “very polite but extremely enthusiastic request” from Mexico.
Witkoff also added, that adopting Spanish as the second official language in the US would hugely de-escalate tensions that have risen lately between two great nations.
Witkoff told reporters that the proposal would usher in a “bold era of hemispheric harmony,” though he admitted he personally speaks only enough Spanish to order appetizers.
He emphasized that bilingual signage, official documents, and presidential tweets would all be updated -though he noted the last item would require “significant investment in emoji-based translation technology.”
The Mexican delegation reportedly welcomed the development, expressing surprise that the U.S. didn’t already have Spanish as an official language, given that “half the country already has Duolingo reminders haunting their phones.”
They also offered to send a team of language coaches to Congress, a gesture many lawmakers pre-emptively declined after realizing it would involve homework.
Witkoff concluded by assuring Americans that adopting Spanish wouldn’t replace English, but merely complement it.
“We get two languages, everybody wins,” he said, adding that if the rollout goes smoothly, the administration might consider a third official language – “whichever one polling shows sounds the most patriotic.”
*Image: AI-generated