WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump announced today that he is “very strongly expecting” to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize after successfully stopping what he described as “ the U.S. invasion of Greenland”, a conflict that, according to experts, never happened but was nonetheless “handled beautifully.”
That increases the number of wars successfully ended by President Donald Trump at least equal to 9 if not more.
Trump said the world should be grateful for his efforts. “I stopped it before it started. Nobody else could’ve done that. If I didn’t step in, Greenland would be very, very invaded right now. Sad!”
Trump explained that the conflict began when “people were talking” – a phrase he clarified to mean “some very smart people, the best people” – about how nice Greenland would look with American flags on it.
“We had plans. Tremendous plans. Ski resorts, ice, very strategic ice,” Trump said. “But I said, no, let’s have peace. And that’s leadership.”
He added that Denmark should also thank him, noting that he “saved them a lot of paperwork.”
The Nobel Committee has not responded to Trump’s claim, though sources close to the committee say several members were briefly confused before confirming that peace prizes are typically awarded for resolving real conflicts rather than potentially initiating them.
Trump dismissed this criticism, arguing that U.S. military actions planned by his cabinet are “much harder” to stop because “nobody knows they’re happening.”
He cited his previous achievements, including “historic peace deals, historic letters, and the most peaceful tweets you’ve ever seen.”
At the conclusion of his remarks, Trump said he expects the Nobel Peace Prize “any day now.”
After that he plans to remain vigilant against future wars, including a rumored naval standoff with Atlantis and a “very tense situation” involving Canada’s attitude.
“I’m basically the world’s emergency brake,” Trump said. “And frankly, the world should be thanking me. You’re welcome!”
*Image: AI-generated