ANCHORAGE, AK – In a press conference held in Anchorage after Trump-Putin summit, Donald Trump (formerly also known as the President of US) – now apparently serving as the spokesman for Russian president Vladimir Putin / made a bold statement to reporters.
“Nobody understands peace better than Russia,” spokesperson Trump declared. “And the best way to show you’re peaceful is by continuing to kill people, very strongly, very efficiently. Everyone’s saying it.”
Flanked by life-size cardboard cutouts of Putin and a Trump riding a bear, spokesperson Trump (formerly also known as the President of US) explained that the strategy of “peace-through-obliteration” was a misunderstood art form.
“You have to clear the path for peace, folks. You can’t have peace if there are still people left who might be disagreeing. Putin told me that, and quite frankly, it makes tremendous sense. Smart people get it. Sleepy Joe wouldn’t,” Trump (formerly also known as the President of US) added.
Spokesperson Donald Trump (formerly also known as the President of US) then handed out complimentary nesting dolls labeled “Peace-keeper” that opened to reveal smaller versions, each holding a tiny missile.
When asked about civilian casualties, Trump responded, “Look, sometimes peace has collateral damage. Like when you order a well-done steak and it comes out medium. Tragic. But we move forward. Russia’s doing that, big league.”
At press time, Russian officials declined to confirm Trump’s role as spokesperson, citing confusion and asking, “Is he serious or just being American again?”
* Image: usatoday.com