WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that left both grocery stores and guacamole lovers baffled, President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that avocados will now officially be known as “Americados.”
Speaking in the Oval Office, Trump announced, “Avocados are tremendous, but they’ve been getting a free ride for too long with that foreign-sounding name. From now on, they’re 100% American – Americados. It just sounds better, more patriotic. Like freedom, but green and slightly mushy.”
The executive order outlines sweeping changes, including mandatory relabeling in all supermarkets and a revision of menus nationwide.
Chipotle issued a confused statement saying, “We’ll comply, but we’re not sure if we’re legally allowed to call it ‘Extra Americado’ without charging people in liberty points.”
Meanwhile, California avocado farmers expressed cautious optimism, with one grower noting, “If this boosts sales, I don’t care if he calls them ‘Freedom Pears.’”
International reactions were mixed. The Mexican government responded by sending a care package of limes and a note that read simply, “Good luck.” Canadian officials politely declined to comment, while the French immediately began marketing “Avocat du Patriotique” for $17 a piece.
Despite criticism from botanists and late-night comedians, Trump doubled down. “People are already saying Americados taste better. I made avocados great again,” he tweeted on his newly rebranded social media platform, Truth’n’Toast.
* Image: Flickr.com/Trump White House Archived