WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stunning development that experts are describing as “biologically confusing but spiritually on-brand,”
Newly released documents from the so-called Epstein files allegedly make a stunning claim that inside President Donald Trump there exists another Donald Trump, only bigger.
According to anonymous sources, the inner Trump is described as “tremendous,” “the best inner Trump anyone has ever seen,” and “much larger than the outer Trump, frankly.”
Investigators reportedly made the discovery after noticing that whenever Trump said something was “huge,” a faint echo could be heard repeating it slightly louder from somewhere deep within.
Medical professionals called in to examine the phenomenon stated that scans revealed what appears to be a fully formed, more opulent Trump nested inside, operating a tiny golden control room complete with miniature chandeliers and a microscopic rally crowd chanting, “Four more layers!”
Sources claim the inner Trump is responsible for 97% of all superlatives, 82% of hand gestures, and 100% of references to ratings.
“The outer Trump is really more of a spokesperson,” one fictional analyst explained. “The real executive decisions are made by the larger, more confident Trump inside, who is reportedly even more impressed with himself than previously thought possible.”
Attempts to reach the inner Trump for comment were met with a statement declaring himself “the greatest internal presence in presidential history.”
Political strategists are now scrambling to determine whether the existence of a larger, more powerful Trump within Trump violates any known laws of physics, biology, or branding.
Meanwhile, supporters have embraced the revelation, calling it proof of “depth,” while critics argue it raises serious questions about how many more Trumps could be nested within.
At press time, unconfirmed reports suggested that inside the bigger inner Trump may reside an even bigger, even more tremendous Trump, whispering softly, “Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”
*Image: AI-generated