VATICAN CITY – Eyewitnesses at Pope Francis’ funeral yesterday were left puzzled when Donald Trump appeared motionless, eyes closed, and breathing suspiciously slow for over 40 minutes.
However, Trump quickly addressed the speculation on Truth Social, posting:
“FAKE NEWS says I was sleeping at the Pope’s funeral / WRONG! I was simply resting my incredible, very strong eye muscles. It’s called discipline. Look it up!”
Advisors close to Trump insisted that the former president was participating in a “visual meditation” technique known only to the world’s greatest athletes and business minds.
“It’s a Trump Original Method™,” said one aide. “Unlike Sleepy Joe, who naps like a confused hamster, Mr. Trump was exercising extreme focus and patriotic eyelid control out of deep respect for the Holy Father.”
When asked if he had, in fact, briefly snored during the homily, Trump responded, “That was a spiritual purring, very respectful, very Catholic. Frankly, the Vatican loved it. They told me they’ve never seen better eye resting in the history of funerals — maybe ever.”
* Image: X.com/@TheeThomasB