WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump held a press conference today to deliver what he called “a beautiful, tremendous review” of the current government shutdown, declaring it “the best shutdown in the history of shutdowns, maybe ever.”
Trump boasted that no previous administration had ever executed a shutdown with such “class, elegance, and ratings.”
“This is a classy shutdown, folks,” Trump told reporters. “Other shutdowns, very nasty, very low-energy. Nobody even cared about them. But this one? Everyone’s talking about it. People are saying, ‘Sir, this is the most tremendous shutdown we’ve ever seen.’ And I agree, because I make the best shutdowns. Better than Obama, better than Clinton, probably better than Lincoln if we’re being honest.”
When asked about the negative impact on federal workers, Trump brushed it off. “They love it, they absolutely love it. Federal workers are saying, ‘Thank you, Mr. President, this is a vacation we didn’t even know we needed.’ It’s like the Four Seasons, except instead of paychecks they get the honor of being part of history. Tremendous honor, really. And believe me, when we come back, we’ll come back stronger – like me after a cheeseburger.”
Critics have pointed out that the shutdown has caused serious disruptions, but Trump remained defiant. “Fake news says it’s bad – terrible, even. But look around: the air is cleaner, traffic is lighter, and the national parks are wide open for anyone who wants to do whatever. It’s freedom, folks, pure freedom. We’ve never had a shutdown this successful, and if you ask me, maybe we should do them more often. Maybe every holiday. Shutdown Christmas, shutdown Easter — it would be huge!”
*Image: AI-generated