EL PASO, TX — In an unprecedented twist of aviation and retro gaming chaos, El Paso International Airport announced a full airspace shutdown yesterday after multiple pilots reportedly confused their mobile phones for high-powered lasers while playing the classic Nokia game Space Impact.
According to airport officials, the confusion led to “a significant threat to national security,” prompting emergency protocols usually reserved for alien invasions or rogue UFO sightings.
Airport officials described the airspace as “temporarily unfit for human or alien travel”
Eyewitnesses describe a surreal scene on the tarmac, where pilots in full uniform were seen vigorously tapping their phones, shouting “Engage warp drive!” while co-pilots frantically tried to explain that pressing “fire” on a 15-year-old pixelated spaceship game does not, in fact, launch a weapon capable of downing commercial jets.
Pilots, some of whom were reportedly mid-flight over the Rio Grande, were seen furiously swiping their screens while shouting battle commands such as “Hyperblaster charged!” and “Engage plasma shields!”
One baffled air traffic controller admitted, “At first, we thought it was a training exercise for the Space Force… then we realized nobody had left their cubicle in five hours, and the lasers were coming from smartphones.”
Another air traffic controller, speaking anonymously, admitted, “We initially thought we were under cyberattack… then we realized the threat was just two pilots flailing at their phones and imagining asteroid collisions.”
The airport closure left dozens of flights delayed, including a Southwest flight bound for Albuquerque that reportedly circled El Paso for over two hours as passengers were treated to impromptu tutorials on early-2000s mobile gaming physics.
Authorities assured the public that the airspace would reopen once pilots were “safely reminded that real aircraft and retro mobile games do not mix,” and all smartphones were confiscated for “educational purposes.”
Meanwhile, the aviation community is reportedly considering adding a new protocol: mandatory Space Impact detox sessions before any flight, lest another pixelated battle bring the city to a screeching halt.
*Image: AI-generated