WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican leadership has reportedly introduced a proposal to replace the nation’s historic motto E pluribus unum (“Out of many, one”) with the fresher, more modern phrase In Two Weeks.
The change is said to be inspired by President Donald Trump’s well-documented fondness for promising that major policy rollouts, infrastructure projects, and “the best healthcare plan ever” will arrive in, well, about two weeks.
House Majority Whip Steve Scalise praised the proposed shift as “a reflection of modern American values,” adding: “Why cling to a dusty Latin phrase when we can adopt a motto every American has heard from the President at least 47 times in a single press conference?”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, while uncharacteristically blinking in Morse code, confirmed that he too was “looking forward to results, in about two weeks.”
Critics argue the move could confuse school children forced to memorize history.
“So you’re telling me the United States stood for unity for nearly 250 years, and now it just stands for procrastination?” asked one bewildered civics teacher.
Republican strategists quickly countered, saying the new motto was not about delay but about “endless optimism,” since the promised two weeks, much like the American dream, never actually expires.
The White House has already ordered new coin prototypes featuring George Washington’s face next to the words In Two Weeks, which officials assure will enter circulation… in approximately two weeks.
* Image: X.com