WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump was awarded the prestigious Exxon Peace Prize today by Exxon Mobil Corporation, citing his “exemplary and entirely peaceful takeover” of Venezuelan oil reserves.
The Exxon award committee praised Trump for what they called a “diplomatic brilliance reminiscent of a boardroom takeover, but with slightly more helicopters.”
The ceremony featured a golden oil barrel trophy and a commemorative hat emblazoned with the words: “Make Oil Great Again.”
Political analysts were quick to comment on the unusual criteria for the award. “It’s a bold new definition of peace,” said one expert.
“Apparently, peace now means entering another country, taking control of their resources, and tweeting about it from a distance.”
The Venezuelan government has reportedly sent a strongly worded letter – written entirely in emojis – condemning the award, though Exxon insiders claim it has “very little impact on quarterly profits.”
President Donald Trump, for his part, accepted the honor with characteristic flair, promising to “turn every oil rig into a peaceful, luxurious resort” and hinting at a potential line of Trump-branded crude oil.
“Nobody occupies oil reserves like I do,” he stated, while posing next to a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself pumping gasoline. “It’s all very peaceful. Tremendous peace. People tell me they’ve never seen such peaceful oil.”
Critics, however, worry about the precedent this sets. “What’s next?” asked one political commentator. “An award for ‘Best Negotiated Bank Heist’ or ‘Most Harmonious Tax Evasion’? If this keeps up, Nobel Prizes may need to be renamed ‘Nobel-ish.’”
Meanwhile, Exxon executives are reportedly exploring additional categories for future awards, including “Best Corporate Karaoke” and “Most Convincing Tweet Storm.
*Image: AI-generated