WASHINGTON, D.C. – The House of Representatives passed on Thursday what lawmakers are calling a “very intense, extremely firm, possibly underlined” resolution urging Canada to “get the vibe” regarding ongoing tariff tensions.
The measure, spearheaded by a bipartisan coalition of Republicans who recently discovered that maple syrup is, in fact, important to their constituents, strongly suggests that Canada reconsider its retaliatory posture, or at least acknowledge the emotional journey the U.S. is currently on.
The resolution, which stops just short of using a stern emoji, reportedly rebukes President Donald Trump’s tariff strategy while simultaneously insisting that no one is actually mad, just “confused and a little tariff-curious.”
Several House Republicans clarified that their vote was not an act of defiance but rather “a gentle throat-clear directed northward.”
One lawmaker explained, “We’re not saying the tariffs were a mistake. We’re just saying maybe we all need to sit down, sip some responsibly sourced coffee, and reassess the energy.”
Canadian officials responded by confirming they had, in fact, received “the vibe,” though they were unsure whether it was meant to be read as passive-aggressive or aggressively passive. “We sensed a mood,” said one diplomat. “There was definitely a mood.”
Meanwhile, trade experts praised the House for taking decisive symbolic action, noting that strongly worded resolutions are Congress’s most renewable natural resource.
At press time, lawmakers were reportedly drafting a follow-up statement clarifying that while they stand by their strongly worded resolution, they also “totally respect Canada’s journey” and remain open to future dialogue conducted entirely through meaningful eye contact across the border.
*Image: AI-generated