CHEYENNE, WYOMING -Local hardcore MAGA enthusiast Randy “RedHat” Jenkins held a press conference in the parking lot of a Waffle House yesterday to unveil what he calls the “real meaning” of Make America Great Again (MAGA).
According to Jenkins, MAGA has been “misunderstood by the mainstream media” and actually stands for a peaceful transition of America into a Russian oblast, with Donald Trump assuming the honorary title of Vice-Czar of the American Federation.
“People think MAGA is about jobs, borders, and bald eagles,” Jenkins said, adjusting his flag cape and sipping from a thermos labeled “Freedom Juice.”
“But real patriots know it’s about embracing our true destiny – joining the Motherland. Trump has already got the fur hat, the love of strongmen, and the deep admiration of Vladimir Putin. It just makes sense. Let’s skip the whole ‘superpower’ thing and become a really fancy Russia-adjacent suburb.”
Jenkins outlined a detailed plan involving converting the White House into a Kremlin-themed Airbnb, replacing the Statue of Liberty with a bronze bust of Trump riding a bear, and teaching schoolchildren Russian folk songs.
“It’s not surrender,” Jenkins clarified, “it’s a strategic vibe shift.”
When asked whether Americans would go along with the plan, Jenkins seemed unfazed. “Look, half the country already supports foreign interference as long as their guy wins. We’re just formalizing the bromance.”
Kremlin officials could not be reached for comment, but an unconfirmed tweet from a suspiciously new account named @RealPutin2024 simply read: “Da.”
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