WASHINGTON, D.C. – NASA held a highly anticipated press conference this week to address growing public concern over humanity’s absence from the Moon, only to deliver a stunningly calm update: the Moon is, in fact, “not going anywhere.”
Officials assured reporters that after extensive observation, the large gray object in the sky has remained in roughly the same place for billions of years and shows no signs of packing up or drifting off anytime soon.
“We’ve run the numbers, double-checked the orbit, and even looked out the window,” said one NASA spokesperson. “It’s still there.”
The agency emphasized that while returning humans to the lunar surface remains a long-term goal, there is currently no need to rush. “It’s not like the Moon is going to get booked up,” the spokesperson added, noting there are still “plenty of parking spots.”
The announcement comes amid increasing pressure from space enthusiasts and politicians asking why humans haven’t been back since the Apollo era.
NASA clarified that while technological, financial, and logistical challenges exist, none of them are being worsened by any immediate lunar departure. –
“If the Moon suddenly filed a change-of-address form, we’d accelerate plans,” an engineer confirmed. “But so far, it’s been extremely cooperative.”
At press time, NASA also reassured the public that Mars is similarly staying put, though it admitted that one planet – Pluto – has already demonstrated a troubling willingness to change its status without warning.
*Image: AI-generated