WASHINGTON, D.C. – Federal officials confirmed on Tuesday that the United States budget has been officially reclassified from a “comprehensive fiscal framework” to “Big Vibes, No Plan.”
The rebranding effort, reportedly workshopped over iced lattes and a bipartisan group chat titled “$$$ lol,” reflects what insiders describe as a “more honest and emotionally accurate” depiction of national spending priorities.
“We’re not saying there isn’t a strategy,” clarified one budget analyst. “We’re just saying the strategy is… aspirational.”
According to newly released documents, the 4,000-page federal budget proposal has been streamlined into a single mood board featuring the words “growth,” “security,” and “manifest abundance” pasted over a stock photo of an eagle high-fiving the Statue of Liberty.
Line items have reportedly been replaced with affirmations such as “Trust the Process” and “It’ll Buff Out.” When asked how the government plans to address the deficit, an anonymous official gestured broadly at the sky and said, “Innovation?” before being gently escorted away from the podium.
Wall Street responded positively to the announcement, with markets briefly surging on news that fiscal policy would now be “vibe-based.”
Investors appeared encouraged by the administration’s commitment to “seeing what feels right in Q3.”
One hedge fund manager praised the shift, saying, “Honestly, we’ve been doing Big Vibes, No Plan for years. It’s nice to see Washington finally catch up.”
Despite concerns from critics, lawmakers insist the new classification better reflects the spirit of modern governance.
“Budgets are about storytelling,” said one senior official. “And our story is one of bold energy, confident spending, and absolutely figuring it out later.”
As the press conference concluded, aides unveiled a ceremonial calculator that simply displays the word “YOLO.”
Citizens nationwide were encouraged to “stay fiscally hydrated” and check back next quarter for “the vibes update.”
*Image: AI-generated