WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump announced he has officially “terminated” the White House bathroom scale after it allegedly displayed a reading he described as “fake, very fake, the worst number anyone has ever seen.”
According to Trump, the scale claimed he was “a little overweight,” prompting what insiders are calling the fastest firing in presidential history.
“The scale was clearly rigged. Everyone knows I’m the most physically fit president since maybe George Washington, some say better,” Trump declared during a press conference, while sipping a Diet Coke.
“This was a Deep State scale. Probably put here by Obama, and let me tell you, it’s a disgrace,” Trump added.
Sources close to the president said Trump attempted to negotiate with the scale by stepping off and back on several times, but the numbers “kept coming back, very rude numbers.”
After repeated failures to achieve the “perfect weight reading,” Secret Service escorted the device out of the bathroom and left it by a dumpster, where it is now under FBI investigation.
White House aides have reportedly replaced the ousted scale with a friendlier device imported from one of Trump’s golf resorts.
Early reports suggest the new scale automatically flashes “Tremendous Shape!” no matter who steps on it.
Critics call the move “vanity gone wild,” but Trump insists it’s simply “the most accurate scale ever made — people are saying it, not me.”
* Image: X.com/@AntiTrumpCanada /grok.com