WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what many are calling the most presidential use of executive energy since the invention of the McRib, President Donald Trump has issued an ultimatum to Cracker Barrel, demanding the restaurant chain revert to its old logo within two weeks.
“This has been the worst logo change, maybe ever,” Trump declared at a press conference held in the White House. “People are crying. Strong, tough truckers, with tears in their eyes, begging me to save the rocking chair. And I will. Believe me.”
The new Cracker Barrel logo, which features sleeker lines and a modernized font, has sparked controversy among fans of the brand who miss the rustic, vaguely 1800s vibe of the original.
Trump doubled down on the backlash, stating, “Nobody liked the new logo. Nobody. I’ve spoken to many, many people – top people, the best people – and they all say it looks like it was designed by Crooked Hillary’s interns. Total disaster.”
When asked what legal authority he had to order a logo change from a privately owned restaurant chain, Trump waved the question away. “Technically I’m not the CEO of the company. But when you think about it, I am the CEO of the United States. Everybody knows it!”
“So if I say Cracker Barrel has two weeks, they have two weeks. If they don’t, we’ll build the new Cracker Barrel, and it’ll be called Trump Barrel. It’ll be beautiful, the best barrel, maybe the greatest barrel in history,” Trump added.
Cracker Barrel executives have yet to respond officially, though one insider reportedly admitted, “We’re just hoping he forgets about this and moves on to complaining about Diet Coke again.”
Meanwhile, analysts are warning of a potential “Logo War” that could engulf other iconic brands, with Denny’s already on edge.
* Image: Flickr.com/Trump White House Archived