WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump announced a sweeping new economic policy: a 45% tariff on inflation itself.
“Inflation has been coming into our country for years,” Trump declared, pointing at a chart that appeared to be upside down. “It’s been taking advantage of ordinary Americans for far too long, buying groceries without paying its fair share. That ends today.”
According to the administration, the tariff will be enforced at all major entry points where inflation is believed to cross into the economy, including gas stations, supermarkets, and the egg aisle.
Treasury officials confirmed they are still working out the logistics of how to bill an abstract economic concept, but remained confident.
“If China can pay tariffs, inflation can too,” one aide explained. “We’ll send it a very strong letter.”
Trump emphasized that food prices would immediately fall once inflation “gets the message.”
“Milk will be beautiful again. Eggs will be tremendous,” he promised, adding that inflation has been “very rude” and “showing no respect.”
When asked whether tariffs might actually raise prices further, Trump waved off the question, noting that inflation would “probably pay the tariff itself” or “leave the country out of embarrassment.”
Economists reacted with a mix of confusion, concern, and quiet resignation.
“Inflation is not a foreign entity you can tax,” said one expert, before being interrupted by a White House statement accusing economists of being “pro-inflation radicals.”
Meanwhile, the administration reassured Americans that if the policy doesn’t work, a backup plan is already in place: blaming inflation for not cooperating.
*Image: AI-generated