MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Ahead of Russia’s annual Victory Day parade on May 9th, president Vladimir Putin has reportedly submitted a formal request to U.S. President Donald Trump and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) to “close the sky” over Moscow.
Kremlin officials claim Putin was “deeply moved” by Western unity in supporting Ukrainian air defenses and decided it was time to “see what all the fuss is about.”
Sources close to the Kremlin say the request was handwritten in gold ink on Soviet-themed stationery. The letter allegedly addressed Trump directly, stating, “Dear Donald, since you’ve always said you’d make America great again, how about making Moscow safe again – for just one day? PS: Bring NATO.”
Donald Trump reportedly responded positively, stating, “Putin asked ME to protect Moscow. Nobody else, just me. He knows strong leadership when he sees it. I might call NATO. Maybe. If they pay up first. Tremendous honor, really.”
NATO, meanwhile, issued a polite but confused statement saying, “We were not aware the skies over Moscow were part of our jurisdiction, but we are flattered by the trust.”
In a final touch of theatrical flair, Putin suggested that NATO jets could do a “flyover salute” during the parade, provided they painted “Z for Zorro” on their wings.
When asked if the airspace closure was for security reasons, Russian officials clarified, “No, it’s just that our pigeons get nervous when drones are around.”
* Image: X.com