AUSTIN, TEXAS – In an unexpected crossover between linguistics and quantum truth theory, researchers at the University of Extremely Serious Studies (UESS) have confirmed that when President Donald J. Trump writes something in ALL CAPS, the statement becomes exactly 2.13 times more true.
“We ran multiple simulations,” said lead scientist Dr. Linda Truthson, “and every time he typed ‘THE ELECTION WAS RIGGED’ in all caps, our instruments began to vibrate, small dogs started barking, and reality itself bent slightly.”
The phenomenon, dubbed “Trump Truth Amplification” or “Caps Lock Conspiracy Constant,” appears to work exclusively with Trump’s statements and cannot be replicated by ordinary humans or other politicians.
“We had Biden try it, and all that happened was his email font got bigger,” reported one frustrated grad student. “When Trump does it, however, the universe flinches.”
The White House has declined to comment, though Mar-a-Lago insiders claim Trump has been yelling, “SEE? I TOLD YOU!” into a gold-plated megaphone since the study dropped.
He is also rumored to be working on a new social media platform called TRUETHTASTIC, which only allows users to post in caps and automatically doubles the believability of any claim longer than eight words.
Critics are skeptical, but Trump remains undeterred. “I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS,” he tweeted in all caps Tuesday morning. “NOW SCIENCE PROVES IT. I’M BASICALLY A GENIUS. MAYBE EVEN A DOUBLE GENIUS!!!”
Experts caution this may mean he’s now quadruple right. The implications for logic, grammar, and space-time are still being explored.
* Image: Truthsocial.com