WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unexpected late-night announcement, President Donald Trump declared a nationwide halt to all windmill development projects, citing a previously unconsidered national security risk: the depletion of America’s wind supply.
“If these giant wind machines keep eating up all the air,” Trump warned, “there will be no wind left to proudly wave the flag over the White House. People don’t think about these things, but I do. I think very deeply.”
According to Trump, American flags require a “constant and patriotic breeze” to maintain their full glory. Without wind, he argued, “the flag just droops, like Sleepy Joe at a press conference.”
He further claimed that windmills are “very greedy,” spinning day and night, “sucking up the wind like a giant vacuum cleaner made in China.”
Industry experts attempted to clarify that wind is not a finite resource, but Trump dismissed them as “fake scientists” and insisted that his personal hair-testing confirmed the shortage.
“Some days I walk outside, and there’s no wind at all,” he said. “Before windmills, there was always wind. Tremendous wind. Everyone knows it.”
The announcement sparked panic among utility companies, confusion among meteorologists, and delight among flag manufacturers, who reportedly sold out of “extra-breezy” deluxe flagpoles within hours.
Meanwhile, Trump hinted at his solution: a “beautiful, American-made fan system” to blow air on the flag, which he promised would be “the biggest, most powerful fan anyone’s ever seen – so powerful it could knock over a Democrat.”
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