SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – In what scientists are calling a “historic and nearly imperceptible” event, the sea level at Sydney Harbor has risen approximately 0.0 inches over the past 150 years.
The finding, described by experts as “statistically breathtaking,” has left climate alarmists confused, measuring tapes idle, and boats… still floating exactly where they were before.
“This is absolutely without precedent,” said Dr. Hugh Mungus from the Institute of Oceanic Inconveniences. “To witness such a consistent lack of change over a century and a half is the kind of stability we only dream of during geological speed dating. It’s like watching paint not dry, but wetter.”
Environmental activists gathered at the harbor, ready to put on snorkels and organize kayak-based protests, only to realize they were still standing on dry land.
“We came here to raise awareness,” said protester Sandy Shores, “but now we’re mostly just raising eyebrows.”
Local officials have confirmed that emergency measures are being taken. “We’re currently developing a plan to continue doing absolutely nothing,” said Mayor Flo Atwater.
“Unless of course this trend continues – in which case we may have to consider building taller docks just to keep construction crews employed.”
* Image: Reddit.com/r/geology