WASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House announced today that it expects to raise at least $600 million s a year by what they are calling “exploring premium advertising opportunities” on the building’s iconic exterior walls.
Officials insist the plan – tentatively titled “Project Stars, Stripes, and Sponsorships” could generate “a modest but inspirational stream of revenue.”
Early mock-ups reportedly include subtle banner options such as “This Oval Office moment brought to you by Big Granola” and “South Portico: Presented in partnership with TurboTax.”
Although the official price list has not yet been published by the White House, reportedly several Magnificent Seven companies have demonstrated strong interest in running their bright colored LED ads 24/7 on the White House front wall.
A senior aide, speaking on condition of anonymity because even they couldn’t say it with a straight face, explained that the administration had been inspired after noticing how much stadium naming rights bring in.
“If a football team can pull eight figures for slapping a bank name on a scoreboard,” the aide said, “imagine what we could get for a tasteful LED billboard next to the Rose Garden.”
Lobbyists have reportedly swarmed at the prospect of premium placement. Early bids include a cereal company requesting a full wraparound mural featuring a cartoon eagle, a streaming service pitching a live-updating poster of whatever show they canceled that week, and a fast-food chain proposing to turn the North Lawn fountain into a gigantic bubbling soda.
Sources say discussions became tense after two competing brands both demanded exclusive rights to the Lincoln Bedroom closet door.
While critics have condemned the proposal as “commercializing history,” administration officials argue the ads would be “classy, dignified, and at least 12% less gaudy than Times Square.”
As of now, the plan is still in review, but insiders say that if approved, the first sponsored unveiling could occur as soon as this Christmas season.
*Image: Ai-genereated