GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization (WHO) has allegedly added “Climate Activism Disorder” (CAD) to its official list of recognized mental conditions.
According to a definitely real internal report, symptoms include uncontrollable urges to glue oneself to highways, shout “system change, not climate change” at family dinners, feel personally attacked by plastic straws, and be obsessed to sail to Gaza strip.
Dr. Hans Megameltzer, the unofficial head of WHO’s Department of Psychological Irony, explained the reasoning: “We noticed a pattern of individuals developing heightened anxiety whenever they see SUVs, steak, or someone using a gas stove. In extreme cases, patients have been known to chase delivery trucks while yelling about carbon footprints.”
He added that, while the condition isn’t physically harmful, it may lead to social isolation and chronic smugness.
Activists around the world have strongly rejected the classification. Greta Thunberg, reportedly upon hearing the news, sighed audibly in Swedish and declared, “Fine, add me to your list.”
Other groups have begun organizing “Therapy Strikes,” where participants refuse to attend counseling until the planet cools by 1.5°C. Psychiatrists say it’s the first protest movement to demand both medication and climate legislation.
WHO later clarified that organization has seen lately a spike in calls from people wondering whether their composting habits are a cry for help.
WHO’s response: “Only if you’ve named your compost bin and talk to it about policy.”
*Image: bartoncourier.org/AI