LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute of the Painfully Obvious, researchers have confirmed that the U.S. President Donald Trump is, in fact, the only person on Earth who was genuinely shocked to learn that Russian president Vladimir Putin had no interest in peace in Ukraine and instead preferred a full-scale bombing campaign of peaceful cities.
The study involved extensive interviews with over 8 billion people, including toddlers, hermits, and even houseplants – none of whom expressed the same level of surprise.
“I just thought he wanted to negotiate, maybe have a nice meeting with tea and big flags,” Trump reportedly told researchers while flipping through a copy of Autocrats Weekly. “You know, very classy. But instead, he went all boom-boom. Nobody saw it coming – except, apparently, literally everyone but me.”
The report includes a global consensus chart, where every participant responded with variations of “Well, duh,” “Have you met Putin?” or “Is this a trick question?” when asked about the likelihood of Putin pursuing peace. Even Trump’s former advisors responded with awkward laughter and long sighs when shown footage of his confused reaction.
In response to the study, the Moscow Kremlin issued a statement saying, “We are flattered by Mr. Trump’s faith in our non-existent diplomacy, and we look forward to disappointing him further.”
Meanwhile, researchers are shifting focus to investigate whether Trump is also the only person surprised that bears defecate in forests.
* Image: goodfon.com